Vibrator: the Return

No, it's not a movie; it's just the title of this week's blog entry. Read on, noble readers, to find out why. Well, it was another LONG week at work, AND I got disciplined (well, talked to, at least) by the project manager. It's okay though, because it was my fault. I disregarded a particular (and a particularly useless in this case) security regulation. I'd already been warned once so I was fully deserving of what I got. In fact, I probably should have gotten more.

Anyway, the week went by and I was waiting for Katie and Eric (Katie is one of my best friends, and Eric is her BF) to call so I could pick them up at the Cheltenham train station on Thursday night. And waiting. And waiting. You see, they arrived in England on Wednesday morning and were exploring other areas of England prior to coming and visiting with me. But they were supposed to be arriving in Cheltenham early Thursday evening. In the off chance that they couldn't get the phone card to work I went to the train station around 10:30PM. Nothing. So I went across the street and grabbed a brew and waited some more. Still nothing. I returned to the train station as they were locking up and was informed that no more trains would be arriving that night. Great. Nothing to do but go home and wait. And wait.

Finally, around 12:15AM (just after I'd gone to bed, of course) they call. They're stuck in Gloucester at the train station. So I don my clothes and make my way to the train station, which I'd never been to. I pick them up (and their ENORMOUS bags) and we head back to the flat, where we have some wine and vodka and such, and stay up way too late for a school night.

The next morning I do a bit of work from the flat while we plan our day. I'd decided about 3AM to take a half day and visit some sites with them rather than going to work. I know, tough choice. We decide to hit Warwick Castle, the 2nd most-visited castle in England, and nearby to boot. We hop in the car a little after lunch-time and cruise through the English countryside.

This place is huge, and we find it virtually deserted. Basically we had the entire castle all to ourselves. There are peacocks roaming the grounds outside the walls, geese in the river Avon, and a gigantic trebuchet (basically a huge catapult) on River Island. It's powered by it's own water wheel (amongst other things) and comes complete with it's own dungeon and oubliette (a small hole to stuff people in). So basically we walked around the grounds, into the power room, up and down the towers, across the battlements, inside the dungeon, and even inside the main quarters. The place was immense. I strongly recommend this place. By 5 or 6, though, we were famished so we hurried back to Cheltenham to get ready for dinner.

Dinner consisted of bar food at the Hog's Head. I had a huge burger topped with bacon (like our ham), mushrooms, cheese, AND an over-easy egg. It was quite good. After a few beers there it was time for their bar crawl. We went across the street to the Q Bar, home of the huge, fancy couches, upon which sat a bunch of young, posh-wannabees. We had another beer and a shot of tequila, and then we'd had enough. It was time for Slak. Now, some of you remember Slak from the previous post, B*tch Better Have My Money. That's right: this was the bar where the vibrator machine took my money. After another 2 beers and a game of table-top Space Invaders, I wandered into the bathroom and, staring at me, there was the very same machine, taunting me. I couldn't resist, but was fully prepared to be, yet again, disappointed. I stuck a one-pound coin in the machine. Glanced at the door to make sure that I wouldn't be interrupted during my private moment with the machine. In went another coin. Another glance, followed by another coin. Three coins down. The anticipation was so thick I could taste it. Well, maybe that was the egg-Burger. Another glance was followed up with the fourth coin. I was rushing things now so I immediately put the fifth coin in without looking to the door when, suddenly... there was a noise. No, nobody came in. The vibrator had finally arrived! MY vibrator. I secreted it away (in my jacket pocket, you bastards) and made my way elatedly back to my seat. The saga was over. I could finally stop worrying about what a 5-pound vibrator looked like. So, for five pounds (well, sort-of ten), you get:

• (1) discreet, white box,
• (1) Panasonic AAA battery (perhaps a new campaign from them), and
• (1) see-through blue vibrator (I don't even want to wonder if they come in other colors; I'd be out SO much money).

Eric claimed that having a vibrator machine in the men's bathroom was just a little bit weird. So I had to explain to him that, no, in fact, quite the opposite was true: to have a vibrator machine in the women's bathroom would have been just a little bit weird. To put one there would send the signal to the women: you're ugly and you're going home alone. A sobering thought, and a signal not likely to inspire one to stick around. But to put it in the men's room, however, instills men with a feeling of: not only are you NOT going home alone, but you're going home with a fine, adventurous, woman. Now that makes sense.

Now, I love Katie to death, but man does that woman like to argue. And, yes, maybe I egged her on. But one bit of advice: NEVER talk politics with this woman. Even when you're right, you're wrong. After yet another conversation it was time to show them the vodka bar in the townhouse, so it was off to J's Vodka Bar. That's really the name, by the way, but I don't own it. Unfortunately only the first level was open, so they didn't get the full affect, but we did have a shot anyway. It was time to head for the flat where we all decided to call it a night. Because it was. A night that is. It was late. And dark. And that pretty much is the definition of night. Anyway...

the next morning brought a slight hangover. Not to worry because Katie and Eric didn't even get out of bed till around 11. That left me plenty of time to recover. It was a little after noon by the time we got in the car and headed south for Amesbury, the location of Stonehenge. This place doesn't take long to tour, even when your best friend REALLY likes history. So that passed quickly and I decided to show them a bit of Bath as well on the way home.

Bath is a gorgeous old town named so for the old Roman baths that are there. Unfortunately they were closed. But we did get to see a bit of the town and share some beers at the pub. Once more we made the drive back to the flat.

From there we decided that sushi was in order so I took them to Sakura. Unfortunately they had a huge party there so the service wasn't up to it's usually high standards. But the food, as always, was delicious. Back at the flat for the night they wrapped up their packing and we called it a night. They were catching a morning train back into London to do a bit more sight-seeing before leaving on Monday morning (weather permitting).

It was sad to drop them off at the train station. It's always good to host fellow Americans (and the accents they bring with them). But still, it was also good to have a nice recovery day, in which I was able to clean, do laundry, pack a box to ship home, AND watch more Stargate SG-1. Got seasons three AND four from Kristen (now I'm positive she wants me homebound).

Well, that's about it. So, wrapping things up, I apologize for not writing more often, but I'll try to keep everyone up to date. I'm planning on heading to Normandy this weekend with Derek and Kelly (my two friends from the States living in London for a bit). Should be fun, though taking my rental is proving impossible so we may just rent when we get there. The following weekend I'll be heading into London to see some friends in town. And then, maybe, the weekend after that I might go to Copenhagen with Derek and Kelly. He's got to be there for school and he invited me to join them. We'll see. Okay, everyone, stay safe (not too safe) and enjoy your week. Later!

P.S. In running spellcheck on this thing, I find it odd that a spellchecker on a blog site to tag the word "blog" as misspelled or unknown.