"The Italian Job" - Original Version

1969's "The Italian Job," starring Michael Caine, was terrible. It's amazing it was remade at all. Unless of course the producers saw this as an opportunity to take a great premise and make it so much better. Which they did, by the way. Though it wasn't that hard to better this movie. And now I own it. Lucky me. Hell, it only cost $8. I've spent more than that on a lousy pair of boxers. And they chaffed.

Basically, Charlie Croker, played by a young Michael Caine, is freed from prison only to find out he has to break back in to get financing for a job that his friend failed to do. That job is to steal a shipment of gold from under the Italian Mafia's noses. To do this he must assemble a team, create a traffic jam, and escape using some Mini Coopers. First off, if you start off by having Benny Hill (that's right, folks) on your team, where do you go from there? Secondly, if you hire the only black man in the film to drive the truck, ala "Goodfellas," plan to be disappointed. Finally, if the Italian Mafia were truly that inept, I'D be a thief, too.

Okay, so the movie wasn't good. That's fine. The remake is still one of my favorites. That one, I DO recommend. But what WAS good about this movie? Well, to be honest, not much. But the Mini Cooper scene is legendary, and for a reason. And it was fun to see which pieces of the original made it into the remake, and where, and how. That's about it really. If you ask nicely, I'll let you borrow it. And I promise not to get upset when you don't return it.