Mr. T

The following are facts:

1. Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.
2. Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.
3. There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.
4. Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.
5. 23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.
6. Mr. T's pity for fools is used by mathematicians as a demonstration of the concept of infinity.
7. You have only seen Mr. T in human form. In Narnia, he is a T. Rex with a lion's tail hanging out of his mouth.
8. Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.
9. Mr. T once pitied the sun. An ice age followed.
10. Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.
11. Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.
12. Mr. T once rocked the Casbah. Which explains why there is no longer a Casbah.
13. Behind every great man, there is a great woman. Behind that woman is Mr. T.
14. In 1995, Mr. T was diagnosed with B-cell lymphoma but he pitied his own fool cells until the disease turned into T-cell lymphoma. Upon closer inspection by doctors, the cancerous T-cells now had mohawks, gold chains around their nucleus and were tired of the other cell's jibba-jabba.
15. The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him. What occured next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded in human history.
16. Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.
17. Mr. T was the first to kill two bird with one stone. He kept the stone, and as of now it has killed 6,048.
18. Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
19. Before Mr. T, the alphabet only had 25 letters.
20. Mr. T's incredible greatness has been attributed to the fact that his genetic code doesn't have any A, G, or C. His genetic code is in fact, nothing but T's.
21. Remember when Mr. T wasn't so popular and awesome? Me neither.
22. They say when a bear is chasing a group of people, you don't have to outrun the bear, but only have to be faster than the slowest person. If Mr. T is chasing you, you're dead no matter what.
23. Every time Mr. T pities the fool, a pornstar regains her virginity. Then proceeds to lose it to Mr. T.
24. It took five women 2 years to give birth to Mr. T.
25. Mr. T's sperm is so strong it could impregnate a man.
26. Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to prove that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba.
27. Mr. T was once clocked at 100 fps. That's 100 fools pitied a second.
28. On all 3428 instances it occured, when Mr. T and Chuck Norris both 'deflower' the same woman, the resulting spermal battles have caused the woman's uterus to explode in a flurry of pity and roundhouse kicks.
29. Mr. T doesn't have internal organs. He had them removed to make more room for muscle.
30. The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that Mr. T's neck was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox