Let's Blow Sh*t Up!

So today is Guy Fawkes day. Who the Fawke is that, you say? Well, Robert Catesby and some of his mates had enjoyed bending over and taking it up the @ss during Queen Elizabeth I's reign. The b*tch hated Catholics, you see. After she died in 1603 they hoped that her successor, James I, being the son of a Catholic mom would be a better ruler. Not so. This guy ended up being as big of a d*ck as she was, so Catesby and his mates, 13 in all, decided to blow up the Houses of Parliament. In doing this they hoped to off James I, and maybe the Prince of Wales and some Members of Parliament if they were lucky.

So these guys took 36 barrels of gunpowder and hid them in the cellar under the House of Lords. Some of the group started to chicken out, and one in particular warned his mate, Lord Monteagle to avoid the Parliament on November 5th. Well, James I got wind of this and, in the early morning hours of November 5th, had his soldiers storm in and arrest whoever they found. So, who was there? Well, Guy "Guido" Fawkes, of course. Hence "Guy Fawkes Day" and not "Robert Catesby Day." The "Gunpowder Plot," as it was called, was foiled. To this day the reigning monarch will only visit Parliament once a year, and only then after the cellars have been searched.

That night bonfires were lit around the city to celebrate the fact that James I was safe, giving this day it's other name: Bonfire Night. Oh, and they also enjoyed lighting effigies of Guy Fawkes, too. But the real question is: are these Brits celebrating Fawkes' failure, or are they honoring his attempt?

So, tonight they'll once again continue the 400 year-old tradition by lighting bonfires, torching dummies (some of the Pope, too), and losing appendages lighting fireworks. Can't wait. After all, I've been hearing kids play with fireworks for weeks now. These fireworks, by the way, can be bought anywhere, and are way more powerful than anything you'd find (legally) in the States. Should be a blast. This concludes your history lesson for the day.